“You’re going to Thailand? What will you be doing there?”

“We are going for my husband’s internship for political science. We are really excited!”

“Oh. So what are you going to be doing in Thailand?”

Good question, isn’t it? I think it is a question that fills the lives of many expat spouses. What on earth will you be doing with all that time while your husband or wife works in a country where you don’t speak the language?

Now, I’m no expert on the topic – I am young and we are still students – but I have learned a lot about this topic since we got married. It’s amazing how this internship intended for Jarek has become a life-changing experience for us together. I have learned that there are a few key things to not going insane and feeling super lonely while your spouse does his work:

Be involved in their work. I understand that for a real career this isn’t as easy to do, but in our case it worked very well. In the village in northern Thailand, I was able to tag along for all the projects and teaching assignments. It’s a learning experience for them, so why not make it a learning experience for me, too?

Be involved in the community. This is hard in a place where they speak a foreign language. We are fortunate enough to be a part of a church with an amazing women’s organization called Relief Society. Almost anywhere we go I can find members of this organization and ask for ways to help them with whatever they need. In Bangkok, the leader of this organization set up trips every Monday to the Immigration Detention Center. Going there opened my eyes and changed my life. It also helped me meet new people. There are so many ways to help people in the community, you just have to figure out how!

Learn the language. Right after we got married we moved to China for a year. It was part of a language study program that both Jarek and I participated in. Our time there was infinitely more enjoyable because we were learning the language together. We haven’t been in Thailand as long, but we worked together before coming to learn pronunciation and basic phrases. Because of that, I can get in a taxi while Jarek is in class and I can go do other things without worrying. Learning the language opens hundreds of doors that would otherwise stay shut and leave you alone in your apartment all day.

Keep learning. This should be a life motto, really. But especially if your spouse is out working and you are at home, it is important to fill your mind with good things! Scrolling through your Facebook feed or pinning things on Pinterest does not count, by the way. Pick up a book about the place you are living and learn why it is the way it is. I am sure there are things you can learn about that place that will help you get along better with locals and understand how certain customs came about. Knowledge is power and you can have a great influence for good by learning about the world.

Continue doing what you love. Music runs through my blood! Performing keeps me motivated! While living in China, I did not keep up with my singing for multiple reasons (pollution being a huge issue), so sometimes it was really hard. There were days that I just didn’t feel fulfilled. I learned my lesson there and since being in Thailand I have made it a point to keep up with my music. I don’t have a place to practice, but I can memorize lyrics and learn new songs and study great performers. It takes some creativity, but if you don’t keep doing what you love, everything will be much more difficult than it needs to be.

Exercise. This is a big one. Exercising can provide you with challenges and ways to see immediate improvement. I especially love it when I can exercise with Jarek because then it is that much more time that we get to be together!

Stay positive. Living abroad can get so overwhelming even if you’ve been away for a long time. Nobody needs to make it harder by being negative about your situation. Every culture has its difficulties, but remembering the beauty makes the difficulties easier to handle.

I’m not perfect at any of these of course, but they have helped me so much as we have moved around in our first few years of marriage. And these tips don’t just apply to living abroad; they can help in any new situation. With every circumstance we choose how to respond. We can float around and let life go by in a blur or we can squeeze all we can out if it as we take what we are given and use it for good.